If I Fall
by JasperLuver48
Summary: When you don't know what's going on in your life, it's normal to turn to your best friend. When said friend turns out to be more, how do you deal?  Boy Slash/AH pairing revealed in the story... Written for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence Compilation


Written originally for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compilation!

A/N: This is a slash story... that means there are boys kissing and touching each other. If that's not your thing, then I'm sorry you won't like this. It's not graphic, just sweet and to the point. I hope you all enjoy it and thanks for donating to this amazing cause. The story was inspired by two songs that I love completely right now, one called "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?" by Thompson Square and the other is "Let Me Down Easy" by Billy Currington... check them out and you'll see their influence in the piece :)

I wrote this for my beautiful cuppycake tyrablu… I'd promised to write her a fic and this is what I came up with! She obsesses with a certain Twi-boy and so I wrote her a story with him as the leading man. I love you my dearest snugglebunny! Hope you enjoy!

This was beta'd as always by my fantabulous bestie Coachlady1 and has been pre-read by some of the fandom's best: my usual girls tiffaninichole and handsandfingers and also added to the mix this time around was my dear friend jacksonmccoy.

Jack was my biggest cheerleader in writing this piece and if it weren't for his support and always kind words, who knows if it would have come to fruition. I love and miss you bb, always and forever!

A million thanks to them for making me suck so much less! I hope you enjoy this little piece!

Xoxo

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If I Fall

The full moon was bright as I sat on the roof of the porch, just outside my bedroom window. It was my place of solidarity, where I went when I didn't want to be bothered by the outside world and could be left alone with my thoughts.

And, boy, did I have a lot of thoughts.

There were a lot of things bothering me on that particular night. I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and everything seemed pointless. My father expected me to follow his path and become a doctor and my mother agreed wholeheartedly, but I did _not_ want to be a doctor that much I was sure of. Then there was the fact that my girlfriend and I had just broken up but it didn't affect me like I felt that it should have. Of course, I felt bad that I'd hurt her because hurting her was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do. But I just wasn't at all upset about the break-up and that confused me.

But honestly the thing that really annoyed me the most was that Jasper hadn't been by to see me. I mean, he was my best friend and the only person that I felt truly got me. He should have known that I'd needed him, but I didn't want to be that clingy friend who begged for attention every time I was feeling a little down. There was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and I wondered why I was so _bothered _about Jasper's recent lack of attention.

As long as my grades stayed up and I didn't get into any real trouble, my parents really didn't give a shit about what I did. Sometimes it was convenient. Most times, it sucked. At that moment, they were probably out drinking and schmoozing it up with their snobby think-they-are-too-good-for-everyone-else friends while I sat at home alone. Again.

I envied Jasper in so many ways and I wasn't sure he knew how good he had it. He was always so confident in everything he did and knew exactly who he was, what he wanted to do with himself. His family cared and wanted to be a part of his life. If he was going through something, they always knew and did whatever they could to help. The thing about that was that his parents cared about me just as much, and if they knew something was wrong, they would step in and do everything in their power to protect me, too.

A slow smile spread across my face as I thought about the family who wasn't really mine but had taken me under their wing as if I were one of them. They made me feel more important and special than my own family ever had.

I was lost in the randomness of my thoughts when I heard my bedroom door open and close and then within seconds Jasper was climbing through the window.

"Hey, man." He clapped me on the shoulder in greeting. "You didn't reply to any of my texts and you weren't in the house, so I figured I'd find you out here."

"Yeah, just thinking about some things..." I replied, still absently staring at the moon.

Jasper sat down next to me and pulled his knees to his chest to mimic my position. I was instantly comforted by his presence as we sat there quietly for several moments.

"Are you okay? I mean, I heard about you and Bella," he said as softly as he could while still letting me hear him.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I mean, I don't understand it, dude. She's amazing... yet I can't make myself want her. She asked me if there was something wrong with her and it damn near broke my heart, Jas. There's nothing wrong with her, she's perfect..." I turned to look at him and was dumbfounded by what I saw.

His eyes were watery, I could tell because the moonlight was reflecting off of them. I didn't know what to think about that and my hand reached out, without my consent, and caressed his cheek softly with my thumb.

My hand lingered there for just a few seconds longer than was socially acceptable and it surprised me when Jasper leaned into it, almost nuzzling my hand. Unconsciously, my fingers began to massage the side of his head, tangling in his hair and he sighed loudly.

What the fuck was happening?

I yanked my hand back fast and the look of hurt that flashed in his eyes killed me. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to do or say, because when I was touching him so intimately, it didn't feel wrong like it had with Bella.

"Carlisle," Jasper whispered in a pained tone, his eyes squeezing shut tightly.

"Jasper, what's happening here?" I asked him, needing to know what he was thinking because I sure as hell had no idea what to think.

His head snapped up and he furiously began rubbing his face with his hands. "God, I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I don't know what's happening, it just felt so good." His face looked as solemn as his voice sounded.

"It did..." I agreed, surprising myself. "It never felt like that with Bella."

His solemnness melted away instantly and was replaced by a shy smile. "Really?"

"Yeah," I admitted freely. Unsure where the boldness was coming from, I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly.

Jasper turned his body slightly toward me, making it so that his knee was resting on mine. He looked into my eyes as though he was searching for something, but when I looked into his I found nothing but love and support staring back at me.

"I'm scared..." I whispered, not sure if I was talking to him or to myself.

I had to close my eyes because I was positive that I had been mere seconds away from kissing him and I was freaking the fuck out about that. He was my best friend, my very, very male best friend and I wanted to kiss him. I knew it wasn't what I was supposed to want but there it was, right there at the forefront of my thoughts.

I wondered what his lips would feel like on mine and if they would be soft and sweet or rough and insistent. Would we use our tongues or keep it PG? A million different questions flashed through my mind but I was quickly brought out of my trance as Jasper's hand wrapped around my neck and brought my face within inches of his.

I could feel his breath on my face yet he was waiting for something, some sort of permission and I couldn't help the words that escaped from my mouth. "Are you gonna kiss me or not?" I breathed out barely above a whisper, deciding that I wanted to do it, consequences be damned.

Without another word, Jasper crushed his lips to mine and the rest of the world faded into the background. Nothing mattered to me in that moment except for the fact that I suddenly felt whole; every single thing that I had been worried about earlier in the evening was gone and I was soaring.

Kissing Jasper felt like the most natural thing in the world. His lips brushed over mine in the sweetest way, yet he was rough and aggressive in his movements. Suddenly, he was perched on his knees and I was being pushed back against the house, our chests were pressed together and I could feel his heart racing against mine, almost matched in their rhythms.

I wrapped my arms around his waist; my hands fisted the back of his shirt, trying to pull him closer to me, as if that was even possible. Once he was in my arms, I didn't ever want to let him go. It was as if he completed me, and I had no idea why I hadn't seen it before.

Jasper pulled away after a few minutes, embarrassment etched across his face. "Shit. I—I don't know what happened..." His face was the most delicious shade of red, illuminated beautifully by the moon.

He sat back down and buried his face in his knees. I couldn't have him hurting like that; my heart was crushed because he didn't understand. "Jasper, look at me."

He kept his face buried and I gently began rubbing his back, trying to coax him out of his hiding place. "Please, look at me..." I begged, desperate to show him whatever it was he wasn't seeing.

Slowly, and I mean excruciatingly slowly, he lifted his head and turned it to look at me. His eyes still carried a heavy burden of embarrassment and I just couldn't have that. "Don't you understand?" I asked him. "I wanted it, too; I asked for it. Don't feel bad for giving me what I never knew I truly wanted."

I reached out and slipped my fingers into his, squeezing them tightly. "You're so beautiful out here," I murmured. "You always have been..."

"Carlisle, I don't know what this is..." he admitted softly. "I've never wanted to kiss a guy before and I'm not sure I ever want to kiss another one, but with you..."

"I know, this just feels so..."

"Right? Perfect? Amazing?" he offered, finishing my thought for me.

"Yeah..." I answered sheepishly.

He scooted himself up against the house and pulled me in between his legs. I gladly let him and leaned back against his chest, sighing contentedly.

His arms slipped around my stomach and began tracing small patterns on my skin. "So, what does this mean for us?" he whispered in my ear as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"I don't know, but I think I want to find out..." I answered him honestly.

We were both quiet for a while and a lot of thoughts wandered into my brain. I had so many questions and was extremely confused about what the whole thing meant for me, but there was one thing I was sure about, if Jasper was willing to do it then so was I.

I knew I should've been a little weirded out by the fact that I could feel Jasper's erection against my back, but for some strange reason that I didn't care about; I was actually a little proud that I was the one who'd caused it. He was hard because he wanted me and I had the same problem.

That made me smile hard.

I don't know how long we sat there, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with a need to know what Jasper was thinking.

"What's running through that head of yours?"

Jasper turned his head into my neck and pressed his lips against my skin, licking up along my jaw line until he nipped my earlobe softly. "I've been thinking about doing that for so long..."

Goosebumps popped up all over my skin. "I'm not opposed to that..." I groaned, needing more of whatever he was willing to give.

He kept licking and sucking at my neck and his fingers were still making delicious strokes against my skin, I was in sensory overload―it all felt so fucking good.

"Jasper, can I ask you something serious?" My breaths were coming in short spurts as I was trying to calm down so I didn't embarrass myself.

"Sure, Carlisle, anything you want..." I could feel his lips turn into a smile against my skin.

I placed my hand on his, stopping his movements and turned to look him in the eye. "I just... I need to know..." I stuttered.

After taking a couple deep breaths and bracing myself for whatever the answer might be, I mustered up enough courage to ask, "If I fall, will you let me down easy?"

"What do you mean?" He seemed confused.

"I don't know what I'm doing, but I know I want you and if you ever decide you don't want me anymore or this isn't for you, promise me you won't break my heart? I don't think I could handle that..."

Jasper looked at me with so much love in his eyes. "I promise to do everything in my power to look after your heart, Carlisle. I won't ever do anything to purposely hurt you and there's nothing you could ever do that would make me not want you."

Those were exactly the words I needed to hear. I turned into him, hugging him closely and inhaling his scent, committing it to memory. I believed every word he said and my world seemed to make sense for the first time since I could remember. As we held each other on the roof of my parents' house, I knew one thing for certain... I was already falling; I just hoped he would be there to catch me.


End file.
